Chuggy want catch up Bruce
Bruce send Chuggy email
Tell Chuggy everything

Tarra,
Chuggy say take chance.
No can do worse than ex-husband!
LOL!!!
Chuggy kid Tarra.
What Tarra have lose beside Friday night?
Carpe Diem, Chuggy Say.

Chuggy exclaim, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!"
"BRUCE?!"
"FROM ST. ANDREWS?!"
Chuggy think amazing coincidence indeed!
Chuggy grammar improve when excited to hear from old friends.
Bruce Chuggy favorite old friend from New Orleans.
Chuggy and Bruce philosophize on swing set at recess.
Play long Risk games - hard to transport - pieces move.
Chuggy often wonder over years, "Where Bruce?"
Now Chuggy can know for sure.

Long time Chuggy no lift heavy thing, run fast
Chuggy need motivation
Maybe Chuggy ask Big Red be Chuggy workout partner
Then Chuggy no can miss lift heavy thing, run fast
Chuggy be accountable to something other than couch and TV.
Chuggy think best.
So, Big Red want run fast with Chuggy three days week? Lift heavy thing?
Meet half way at Alameda 24 hour Fitness?
5:00 pm?
Good.
Chuggy glad Big Red say yes.

Chuggy think Colonel need more protein-
Think Colonel need throw away high horse and eat meat like Chuggy.
Chuggy think maybe eat horse instead throw away.
Vegetarianism no can make happy.
Second, Colonel need meaning.
Maybe Colonel join Peace Corps or volunteer cat shelter?
Cats like Colonels
Three, Colonel need stop think about unhappy
What unhappy ever do for Colonel?

1787 Château Yquem Sauternes Bordeaux Rules Y'all!

Greetings all. Well, I must say that I believe this advice column idea of yours is a peach. As you may know, Chuggy, I experience few problems due to my extraordinarily even keel. Alas, even a self-possessed sort such as I occasionally falls prey to a bit of the sad sack's sydrome, if you understand my meaning. Ah, but she is a cruel wench, Depression, especially at this juncture of the solstice! Unlike many, who seem to experience doldrums during the slumber of winter snow and drear, summer is the time of year when I am reminded of my life's lack of adventure. How my spirit longs to be freed of suburbia and the binds of consumerism! Would that I could replace the complacency of years past with the passion for experience that both binds and drives those of a creative, romantic nature such as myself! Fear and desperation for food and shelter have led me to foolishly exchange the thrill of the unknown for security of the familiar. Pray tell, Chuggy, how do you keep boredom and the regret of roads not taken from metastasizing into depression?

By the way, I recently came across an amusing quote attributed to that cheeky fellow Annie Liebowitz: "Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine." I should think that my colleagues at the club would like to shake the whistle off this chap's mashie, indeed!

--Disemboguedly Depressed in Denver